Learning to put ourselves first and not feel selfish or self centered is no joke.
Learning to love ourselves on unlovable days takes patience, practice and support.
I always find it important to meet myself where I am, but I have to know where that is first.
For me astrology has given language to my understanding of myself which has been so important for me.
I am Mercury ruled and as such it tends to be that my first line of defense and my first way through my defenses is my mind.
I understand intellectually very quickly and easily.
I can use this to learn and devour information (which I do) in order to feel
safe.
Fore warned is fore armed...or have I now build a thick wall and pulled up the drawbridge to keep out the monsters?
Are those all 'monsters'?
Who said so?
Sometimes they are only scary monsters because they are unknown...what if I dropped the drawbridge and invited them in for tea.
Their story may be one in which I am the monster. I like a good story and with more information I may change my mind.
I also endeavor to meet the client where they are at.
That may not be the same as my beginning point.
Their beginning may be their body or even their heart.
I have come to realize that for me it is head, heart and lastly body.
I am not forgetting spirit, but I have found it was always in the know and just waiting for the other parts to download new software and appropriate Apps.
The story of me, learning to love me, fill my own cup, know my own worth, stand in my own power and light...well it is much the same and also different from yours.
We are all one and all unique as a snowflake.
WTF you say, I know what you mean.
My inability to box it all up neatly has been a frustration for years.
I am finally getting comfortable with the idea that both are true and that I may never fully understand it, but I am beginning to innerstand it.
Healing is an inside job and I choose to be responsible for mine.
So even if your story starts from a different beginning, I hope this idea and example will support you in your innerstanding of yourself. And that you too will want to live from the inside out, and not the outside in.
I often get tangled up in my plot line when I have worked hard to change a narrative in my life and I use the power of my mind to do so.
Meditation, journaling, mantra and affirmation, talking it through and really seeing what the story has been so that I can see what needs editing and what needs a full rewrite.
Just as I am gamboling along merrily in the new shoots of my new story, lightning will strike.
My heart (emotional self) will be triggered and I will be shocked, by said lightning to realize that the new story was just a shiny lacquered façade hiding a heart that was not there yet.
The villain in my new story, sounds just like the inner critic in my old story.
She wastes no time using my wounded heart as a punching bag, criticizing this vulnerable and sensitive Queenling part of me for not getting over it faster, growing up more quickly or pulling up my big girl panties.
She can be a real bitch, like every strong villain.
My heart, bleeds and cries, and feels and laments and hides from the villain and allows her 'unworthy' self to be victim to the villain, and then, she stops beating...
harnesses that lightning and like natures defibrillator, she resets herself.
Not because my villainous mind forced her to, but because even though it took her a little longer, she does feel that it is time to change the story.
She feels afraid and vulnerable but a butterfly flutter in her center tells her she is becoming.
Head and Heart are now skipping along, hand in hand, finally on the same page, into the woods of the unknown. They are so ready for this new story to begin.
Ouch, my stomach hurts, my ankle gives out and I graze my knee and hit my head as I fall into a big old tree at the entrance to the forest.
My mind rolls my eyes in exasperation, my heart seems dazed and confused, my body has hit a wall of visceral muscle memory that says;
YOU MUST NEVER ENTER THE DARK AND DANGEROUS FOREST...EVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!!!!!!
A new argument begins;
Body: I hit a wall, everything hurts, we must go back to the safety of the castle.
Mind: There is no wall!
Body: I just skipped right into it, don't bully me, I know what happened.
Heart: It's okay body, your gut instinct is right, according to everything we have known. Head and I realized that maybe, just maybe what we have known is no longer true for us. We thought it may be exciting to change the story.
Body: But I can't, I can't get past the wall. Don't you see it?
Heart: I used to see it too, but now I realized I just felt caged and so we began to believe that, to be true and we saw what we believed.
Mind: Hey body (trying hard to be patient) let's do something that feels good to you.
Body stays wound as tight as a coil.
Heart: I know, let's dance, we all love to dance.
As mind begins to hum a tune and heart really feels the emotion in it, body can't help but begin to gently move and then to groove.
The three friends are so busy loosing themselves in their dance that it takes a
while before they realized that they have danced into the dark and dangerous forest.
It doesn't seem dark or dangerous from the inside.
Birds sing and dance along with them.
The sun's golden rays filter through the trees creating a magical dance of light and shade.
Body and the others feel a magical fission of excitement in their belly. It has unclutched her fear, softened her muscles and loosened her up.
What started in my head, dropped into my heart and is now fully embodied as I become the queen of my queendom and own my story.
I would love to hear how you repattern and if this has been helpful.
Thanks for coming along on this journey with me.
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