The moon is full in Sagittarius and it is the eve of my 40th birthday, this has me thinking about the pattern of my life thus far.
I have always seen patterns. It is a natural thing for me to see the family dynamics, relationship patterns or cycles on repeat in other people’s lives.
I see my own too but not always as clearly or easily…otherwise I would be able to shift them faster.
When I was a child in true Gemini style I was always torn between my natural intuition and my enquiring mind.
I knew things I couldn’t explain or understand.
This didn’t make sense so I often tried to ignore it in favour of what I could explain or understand.
I certainly didn’t like to discuss these things as I felt crazy enough, no need to let everyone else think me crazy too.
I was a popular child at school but secretly I always felt I never really fit in and I couldn’t explain it.
Almost as if I were bigger and way older than my small body belied. That part of me was so wise and full of knowing.
I didn’t trust her, how could I know all this for flip sake, I was only a child.
I saw this mirrored back at me by many a grownup who clearly didn’t believe me or take me seriously.
To be fair it wasn’t often I allowed myself to be exposed in this authentic wisdom, I was too afraid of not being taken seriously.
In truth I couldn’t find a way to take myself seriously yet so neither would the rest of the world.
I was too afraid to even put myself out there 90% of the time for fear of rejection so, few people even knew what I knew.
One of the many false and depreciating stories I told myself was that no one would take me seriously because I was too young.
And so, the Universe conspired to prove me right.
This is after all how we learn our lessons.
Along with that torrid story line were a few closely connected themes;
I am not good enough
I don’t know anything
If people knew the real me, they would not like me (be a good girl a pleaser or else).
So much pressure placed on me by me.
The weight of all that on my small self was extreme.
Just like the weight or pressure on a lump of coal, that is what is needed for it to transform into a diamond.
But it was my small self,
the ME that is my soul or higher self, she knew it was a very challenging process,
but it was necessary to let me grow up to connect more fully with ME.
This journey of learning and then embodying is one that never really ends.
But for me now I am far more integrated with ME.
I May even call us, US now as we cocreate our future.
All those years feeling the world couldn’t see me because I was too young, when I couldn’t see me.
Now with the Sagittarius full moon like a big spotlight in the sky I see more clearly as I move towards 40.
Is this the point I feel taken seriously?
Oh, little one, it no longer matters, because you know your worth, you take yourself seriously…maybe too seriously at times.
I draw to my experience far fewer people who question my worth or wisdom now that I know that I know.
And when the Universe does send me a reminder, I take it as such.
I see how far I have come, when I am ready to turn away the people that don’t see value in me, rather than trying to prove them wrong by overextending myself, which only proves them right.
Worth Less no more.
I AM WORTHY
OF BEING TAKEN SERIOUSLY
This I know.
To the best decade yet.
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