Truth

I don’t know about you, but I have an interesting and not always comfortable relationship to truth.

I have always been very attached to the part of my personality that is very honest and true, a strong moral compass, who strives to do the right thing.

Maybe too attached, it certainly has been a part of me that has kept tight controls on me.

And has attracted to my life, people who have a much less fixed idea of truth.

This put me into a spiral on numerous occasions over the years.

Forcing me to look at my fixed ideas of truth and where I am prepared to bend them, in order to cling to something that I am afraid to let go of.

Here is a simple example.

It was not uncommon for my ex-husband to tell me he was ‘on route’ home, and to arrive hours or on occasion days later.

My idealistic maiden personality part felt betrayed, lied to, abandoned and bereft at all of the above.

Time and time and time and, you guessed it, time again this would happen.

I would become anxious and snappish (with my little children who were not the reason for my angst) and being me, would turn the shame in on myself.

Over time,

for self-preservation, and let’s be honest to preserve the marriage, I needed to find a perspective I could live with.

And so, I started to look at how truth is subjective. When he says ‘on route’ he means it, he just takes the scenic route.

I take it literally and knowing we live in a small town and if he is in his car ‘on route’ home he will be here in 10 min…and thus am disappointed.

Now the mothering part of my personality who wants to be a good mother and keep the ‘idealized’ family together begins to explain to the maiden.

“He is not lying to you. His truth and yours just look different.”

And so began the journey of bending the truth in some places and recognizing other truths as more black or white, thus unbendable so to speak.

I am now about a decade into this journey and a few years out of the marriage and I am still feeling confused.

Truth both is and isn’t black or white

Let’s start with those so-called subjective truths.

I guess it could be true that he and I both felt we were experiencing our own truth in those situations.

He, seeing no big deal with bending the truth to placate me and to do what he wants.

Me, knowing how it makes me feel and still, twisting the truth into a narrative I could live with.

Even though it felt untrue.

But lying to myself because the truth was an alternative that was too scary to face.

Shit, who wants to face that shadow in the mirror, the one that says ‘you, oh honest and moral one, lied to yourself for years to enable a toxic relational dynamic that still has you untangling the sticky web that was created by both of you and society’.

Well, I want to face it, because otherwise I will never escape the web.

But it is super sticky, toxic and shadowy.

Like all good quests to the underworld to uncover buried treasure.

So, does this mean it was all lies, the whole relationship?!

Truth both is and isn’t black or white…I don’t know the answer.

Okay, let’s switch track before my head and heart explode.

What does this mean for the fundamental truths?

Here I thought I was on less shaky and personally vulnerable ground.

But, was I?

I mean if we just look at the political situation in so many countries right now (please note, I am not a news watcher and very uninformed as I am too sensitive to expose myself to too much of this lower vibration without it causing me harm, but even I can see it).

Our governments and justice systems, should all be air tight in an ideal world.

This is the law and if you do what is right you are protected by it.

And if you do what is wrong, you will be fairly punished…

WTF, house of cards, three ring circus.

Governments are a pack of lies and the justice system is far from just.

Bad example, let’s try something we can trust.

Nature, how about nature, her four seasons that at least is reliable.

It is an absolute truth that there are four seasons and I can feel and experience them.

But, with global warming that too seems to be changing.

Largely humanities fault, can we fix it?

Is it true that we are doomed to destroy our planet, or is it true that we can redeem her?

New Earth

The truth is, that cliché, ‘truth is stranger than fiction’ is right.

This brings me to the fact (facts usually imply truth) that we are in an age of dissolution.

Where those of us who choose to wake up to these infuriatingly confusing truths, can feel the world as we knew it dissolving, like a caterpillar in its chrysalis.

And hey, it’s a choice, no judgment here if you choose not to wake up yet, or ever.

If I am honest there are many days, I wish I could go back to sleep.

But, you can’t unknow what you know.

However, if you are reading this the chances are you know what I am saying.

Or it is like a grain of awareness the sandman left in your eye.

It will get so uncomfortable and as you flush it out a whoosh of truth serum will enter the window to your soul.

I don’t mean to make it sound awful.

But I want you to know that being a pioneer of a

whole new Earth is challenging.

People will look back and wonder at what we have lived through.

Being a pioneer means that we have a huge responsibility for how it turns out.

The more of us who wake up to the effect that our frequency has, the better.

I strongly believe that it starts with personal responsibility and accountability.

Personal journeys to our inner underworld to uncover the buried gem encrusted truth of how much more we are than the ‘truths’ (I meant lies if I was too subtle), we have been force fed.

Then a deep love of humanity and all on Earth.

A pioneering spirit to leave our community and our world better than we found it.

I am grateful and happy to be awake.

As confusing a minefield as that is, I prefer it to the alternative.

Astrology Buzz

Leo Jul 23rd to Aug 22nd 

are you letting yourself shine as brightly as you can?

Are you allowing others to shine?

Is your penchant for pleasure, fun and creativity being explored and expressed?

If not, get to it Leo season gives you permission to go there.

Follow the Sun, wherever he travels is the part of you that gets a glow up and in Leo season the sun is in Leo, so radiate your heart light like a boss.

On time and on purpose.

Virgo Aug 23rd to Sep 22nd 

it can get a little exhausting being on, all of the time.

Sparkly, shiny, the life of the party…well never fear, Virgo season gives you the opportunity to rest and reset.

Well it could offer you that opportunity, if you get into some healthy routines that focus on mindfulness in your physical, mental and emotional bodies.

That would be the high level of Virgo.

It could also throw you into some low-level traits of high anxiety, with a spiraling inner critic.

You may get so busy doing for others you don’t do for yourself.

Free will is yours my friend.

If you find yourself spiraling into the lower level of Virgo, you have the choice to lean into the high level.

I know which I choose.

Lunations for July

Leo New Moon is on the 4th of August.

Full Moon is in Aquarius on the 19th opposing the Sun in Leo.

Keep an eye on my YouTube channel for forecasts.

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